ONE RED PILOT

Most of my life, well starting around 14 years of age, I’ve wanted to be a rock star. I’d like to say I laid that dream down long ago but that’s not true. It hasn’t been until recently that something snapped inside. This “dream” that has been living in me finally left. I can’t tell you what happened or how it happened. All I know is I don’t care about it anymore.

What’s taken the place of that self absorbent dream is a new dream. I dream about being a husband and father after God’s own heart. Cheesy? Maybe a little…but I don’t care. To be honest there are days that I want to run the other way. It’s hard, I don’t want to give, I want to sleep in, I don’t want to be needed, and I don’t want to be responsible. All of those feelings can change in an instant. All it takes is a kiss on my neck from my wife. Coming in the door from work and hearing “Daddy!” from my babies. Having my son look me in the eyes and tell me I’m his best friend. Being the arms that make everything OK when they have a bad dream…or have a bad day. Being the one that 6 beautiful eyes look to for a sense of security and direction.

Tonight as Carrie and I were putting our babies to bed I sang their favorite song “Jesus Loves Me”. Nathaniel sat quietly, sucking his blanket, taking every note and chord deep into his soul. Ella was a busy body moving around the bed just happy to have us all in the same room, and Carrie sang along, smiling in relief that “her” time was coming soon. At one time I had dreams to sell out Central Park to tens of thousands. Today however, the stage of a small bedroom, packed with my 3 most favorite people, made me feel more like a rock star than Central Park ever could.

favor to you,

nate